For me, the first thing I had to do to begin to build a relationship with God was to accept the fact that the God of my understanding actually cared about me every moment of every single day of my life. I had to let go of the story that God was an old man with a white beard and robe with a staff floating in the sky and judging my every mistake, punishing me with threats of rivers of fire and gnashing of teeth, and not getting into heaven but being damned to hell.
Then I had to ask him straight out, “I need your help.” And mean it with trust and acceptance that he is real and not just willing to, but wanting to help me. It was a powerful moment. And I did just what I said, I got on my knees and simply said, “God I need you; I can’t go on living the way I am. I need your help. Please help me.” This wasn’t my typical foxhole prayer, do this for me and I’ll do this for you. No bartering this time. Just pure earnest ‘I need you.’
God answered me instantly. That night I had a dream about my fear of not being good enough. This one fear ruled my life one hundred percent. All my decisions where based on that fear alone. In the dream a gentleman helped me start the process of letting it go. When I left the house, outside waiting for me was Jesus. He hugged me and said he was proud of the work I did and said that we together where on our way.
I haven’t looked back and my fears no longer control me. It is a long process but well worth it. The benefits and rewards are a hundred times better than I could have ever asked for.
You choose what ever higher power works for you; this is not a religious space. I chose to call my higher power many names, God, Jesus, Babaji, Great Spirit to name a few.
As it says in the big book of Alcohol Anonymous “We decided to turn our life and our will over to the care of God as we understood him” and that’s just what I did. “Came to believe…”
“Jesus?” he whispered as his voice choked “I feel so lost”
A hand reached out and squeezed his, and didn’t let go. “I know Mack. But it’s not true. I am with you and I’m not lost. I’m sorry it feels that way, but hear me clearly. You are not lost.” ~Paul Young
Trust and surrender had everything to do with this phase of my growth. Without trusting in my higher power, I would simply stay in what I thought I had, control. Believing I controlled everything in my life gave ego, pride, selfish, self-centeredness, self-seeking freedom to run amuck causing chaos. And this chaos can be as small as me simply not getting what I want. I would remain in denial and never even consider or be able to see the fact that I needed to work on some aspect of myself. Self-praising, I am above and not recognizing that like so many people before me, knowledge is not enough, I had to incorporate it into my core, my soul and gain the wisdom to truly be free. This is what building a relationship with God is like. Being set free from fear, anger, resentment, and any other negative emotion.
As I continued to work on this I realized I had to ask God, all day to help me, turn things over to him, stay in touch and connected to him, ask him to relieve me of the bondage of self, self-pity, self-loathing, that are all driven by a hundred forms of fears, but mostly the three king fears of not getting what I want, not being good enough, and fear of being rejected.
This is not a month-long process and I graduate. This is a life long journey that I am honored to be on.
“I don’t just want a piece of you and a piece of your life. Even if you were able, which you are not, to give me the biggest piece, that is not what I want. I want all of you and all of every part of you and your day.” ~ Paul Young
That is the relationship I now have with Jesus. Not only do I realize I am one with him and always has been, I am one with everything in the universe. I have woken up my God consciousness and rejoice that there is no wrong today. All the small things that used to bother me have disappeared from my thinking. I don’t take what another person says to me anymore that used to hurt my feelings as personal, I simply give it to God and he takes it before I can build a resentment. I let go of expectations of others as they are just the start of a resentment. I give God every part of me and my day, every moment, especially when I feel myself pulling it back wanting to be in control.
This took me a lot of willingness to do the work. Pray, trust, remember I am not in control, turn things over especially when I feel that I have been wronged and it wasn’t even my fault. This may be true, but I learned how to let go of the selfishness of wanting to let everyone know, ‘It was their fault, I am good,’ restoring what I think is my honor by tearing another down. It is so much easier to say a prayer for them and give it to God, who takes it instantly. I continue to keep our relationship strong, and I walk away resentment free. I not dwelling on how I was wronged, repeating it to as many people as I can so to get their approval, ‘Yes you are good, they are the bad ones.’ Fulfilling my self-centeredness, pride, ego-self.
Like I said, this is deep and takes a lot of trust and surrender. After many years and years of work, with a lifetime still ahead of me, I do it joyfully because the freedom, peace, and serenity that has now become part of my everyday living out ways the fears, pride and ego that ran my life for so many years. Like a new friendship, love interest, business partner, it takes time, effort, and trust to build a solid relationship. The same holds true with God. The only difference is he accepts you for all your traits, good or bad, he will never abandon you. He never has, never will. He loves you unconditionally without fail and guides you on your journey.
As I trust and surrender to God more and more each day, I thank him when I get exactly what I want, and I also thank him when I don’t get what I want at all, knowing he knows what’s best for me and what he does provide is always a hundred times better than what I wanted to begin with. It is without attachment to the outcome that I continue to build our relationship. It is turning my life and my will over to him, giving him all my fears and accepting his will, no exceptions. I now often say “I trust you Jesus” which is one hundred times better then whining, complaining, being caught in the bondage of self. God and I continue to walk my path together in peace, love and happiness, or as Babaji says with love, truth, and simplicity. Today I understand these concepts.
This is how it worked for me. God may have a different path for you, but the only things you need to do to begin is ask him for his help and trust and surrender to him. God will lead the way.