For me, the first thing I had to do to begin to build a relationship with God was to accept the fact that the God of my understanding actually cared about me every moment of every single day of my life. I had to let go of the story that God was an old man with a white beard and robe with a staff floating in the sky and judging my every mistake, punishing me with threats of rivers of fire and gnashing of teeth, and not getting into heaven but being damned to hell.
Then I had to ask him straight out, “I need your help.” And mean it with trust and acceptance that he is real and not just willing to, but wanting to help me. It was a powerful moment. And I did just what I said, I got on my knees and simply said, “God I need you; I can’t go on living the way I am. I need your help. Please help me.” This wasn’t my typical foxhole prayer, do this for me and I’ll do this for you. No bartering this time. Just pure earnest ‘I need you.’
God answered me instantly. That night I had a dream about my fear of not being good enough. This one fear ruled my life one hundred percent. All my decisions where based on that fear alone. In the dream a gentleman helped me start the process of letting it go. When I left the house, outside waiting for me was Jesus. He hugged me and said he was proud of the work I did and said that we together where on our way.Continue reading