“If the rest of the world would only behave; the outlaw safe cracker who thinks society has wronged him; and the alcoholic who has lost all and is locked up. Whatever our protestations, are not most of us concerned with ourselves, our resentments, or our self-pity? Selfishness – self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles. Driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking, and self-pity”
~The book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Fear of not getting what you want is the third and final fear of the three king fears that rule every decision we as humans make. I talked about how “fear of rejection” is a humans number one fear, while “fear of not being good enough” will cripple us to never really enjoy life to the fullest potential that it has to offer, and today I will talk speak about “fear of not getting what you want” that selfish, self-seeking, self-centered, I’m in control, fear.
This fear is all about self. It is the best concealed fear of them all. It is so good at hiding itself from you, that you actually feel justified and when in the middle of it. You relish in your self-righteousness. To recognize fear of not getting what you want you have to be completely honest with yourself. Nothing less will help you see clearly on conquering fear of not getting what you want.
“Just being ourselves is one of the biggest fears of humans. We have learned to live our life trying to satisfy other people’s demands. We have learned to live by other people’s points of view because of the fear of not being accepted and of not being good enough for someone else.” ~ Miguel Angel Ruiz
Fear of not being good enough is the second of the three king fears. Last time I talked about the fear of rejection. This time I will talk about not being good enough. As with all these blogs I write, they require you to be very vigilant and truthful to yourself. Are you really open enough to hear the message or are you letting “FEAR” decide ‘This doesn’t apply to me?’ And not being open to see the possibility that you are not in control. It is really, pride, ego, self-centeredness, selfish, self-seeking, fear itself, that keeps you from being open, honest and willing to look at yourself.
“If you want real control, Drop the illusion of control”
“The only thing you will ever have in this world is this moment, and the one thing you will never have is control. Control is nothing but fear. Let go of the idea that you are in control Steven. You control absolutely nothing. The sooner you realize that the sooner you will find personal freedom.”
That was one of the first things my teacher Jack taught me. I balked, rebelled, and fought him tooth and nail on that point till I was blue in the face. We went rounds for at least a month till I was ready, willing, to listen.
He said it was quite simple, that I controlled nothing. That fear is what feeds control and in just the thought of me not being in control, feared jumped up with all its might defending that ‘yes I am in control.’ And then he went on to teach me the meaning of what he said.
“Wisdom cannotbe imparted. Wisdom that a wise man attempts to impart always sounds like foolishness to someone else … Knowledge can be communicated, but not wisdom. One can find it, live it, do wonders through it, but one cannot communicate and teach it.” ― Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha
If I remain open and receptive when I open a book, listen to a teacher, or sit and meditate, I will have gained knowledge. If I stay openminded, pay attention to everything going on around me, and listen, I will have gained knowledge. If I go to school, do studies, and have new experiences, I will have gained knowledge. If I seek to expand and enhance my walk-through different teachings and modalities, I will have gained knowledge. Once I have done all that, I will have gained knowledge.