“If you want real control, Drop the illusion of control”
“The only thing you will ever have in this world is this moment, and the one thing you will never have is control. Control is nothing but fear. Let go of the idea that you are in control Steven. You control absolutely nothing. The sooner you realize that the sooner you will find personal freedom.”
That was one of the first things my teacher Jack taught me. I balked, rebelled, and fought him tooth and nail on that point till I was blue in the face. We went rounds for at least a month till I was ready, willing, to listen.
He said it was quite simple, that I controlled nothing. That fear is what feeds control and in just the thought of me not being in control, feared jumped up with all its might defending that ‘yes I am in control.’ And then he went on to teach me the meaning of what he said.
Control is an illusion that makes you feel good about yourself, that you have power, that you are important and know things. And it is fear that will keep this illusion alive. When you see that control has no influence over the flow of universal energies and that you can just live harmoniously in this world with all living things, that fear has no power here, then you will be happy, joyous and free.
Starting small, the first thing was you must realize is that you have no control over people or places. It is not your place to say to anyone, especially your significant other, ‘You shouldn’t feel that way’ you can’t control what they feel or how they react to any situation. you can only be there for them. Their feelings are real and theirs alone, so who are you to discount them.
If you owned a restaurant and put out amazing food, treated your employees with honor, dignity and respect, you have no control over who comes in to eat or not, or whether or not your employee stayed or sought other employment. You don’t control any of it. You did your best to execute a plan.
The more I started to understand this, the more I did my best to let go of control. The more control I relinquished, the more I understanding and acceptance I received.
The next thought that came up was, “Well, I control what I’m going to do,” Let’s say for example that you are sitting at home a decide to go to the store to buy groceries for dinner. You made a plan, nothing more. You go out to start your car and it won’t start. One, you can’t control your car and two you can’t control whether or not you go to the store. You made a plan and went to execute that plan. It didn’t work out to your liking because you don’t control the situation.
My ego self-rebelled against such thoughts. Not wanting to let go of the illusion that I am in control I said, “I control my mind, how I think, how I act, and you can’t tell me otherwise.”
Your brain and your mind are two entirely different things. Your brain responds to inputs, neuro messaging, and takes care of all the body’s needs. When you’re hungry, you eat. If you get cut, you heal, if you need to move, you walk. Your brain tells all the parts of your body what to do. It stores the information in your memory so as you learn it, you remember the lesson.
Your mind are your thoughts, feelings, and emotions. When you watch a comedian and laugh, that’s your response, you didn’t control it. Your mind said ‘that was funny’ and your reaction was to laugh. When you meditate, and try to quite the mind, in the beginning, random thoughts keep coming into the mind. We practice putting them on a cloud to take them away, or into the ocean to swallow them up, but we don’t control if they come or not. As you meditate more and more over the years you get very good at limiting them all together, but that is just practice and repetition, not control. Do not let the ego-self tell you otherwise.
When you meet a significant other and fall in love, it is not you who loves, but love that loves through you. You do not control love; you are a divine magnificent spirit of love and light. You are love.
When a car cuts you off and you get angry, that’s another response to a situation that you have no control over. You didn’t control the car that cut you off or your reaction to get mad. That was your natural response to a situation that could have possibly put you in danger. Two days later you’re driving down the road and a car cuts you off and you just keep on smiling, not giving it a second thought. You had no control over either reaction. Your anger is a result of the desire to be in control of the situation, and your serenity is accepting that you have no control. It’s life on life’s terms, it’s not personal.
You might think, “well I control how I’m going to respond to a person, place or situation. I’ve learned not to react, but to stop, think, and act. I have control over that process.”
What is the feeling, the emotion that is behind that statement? Is it out of anger, out of fear? Is it the ego-self, pride, the desire to be right that keeps hold of the idea that you are in control? A sense of fitting in, belonging to others who seem to think they control their own destiny? That’s just an illusion. Any negative feeling or emotion fall under one, if not all of the three king fears. Rejection, not being good enough, a big player in wanting to be in control, and not getting what I want. The biggest player of wanting to be in control.
If you fail at this last part, this last phase of letting go, then you are allowing fear to remain within you, the ego to stay in charge and that will have control over you. No matter what your belief, Christianity, Buddhism, Native American path, or any other spiritual up-bringing, trust your higher power. Thy will, not my will be done. By thinking I’m in control, my ego will not allow me to trust one hundred percent in God, keeping me in the bondage of self. When you finally do let go of the ego, you let go of fear, pain, self-importance, self-seeking and the thought that you are in control. You will feel a completeness to yourself unlike anything you ever felt before, trusting and surrendering to your higher power.
This is not an easy concept to grasp, and it takes a very strong and dedicated person to even attempt this long and life changing process. If you are a person who does not fear change, and are seeking a life altering experience to live in complete freedom from ego, fear, the bondage of self, and the domestication of your personal upbringing, then the starting point is the self. Only clarity and a willingness to change, is effective now. A correct relationship to your self is primary, for from it flow all possible correct relationship with others and God. Letting go of control will open the door to all these things we seek, after all, we are all born divine magnificent spirits of love and light, trusting in the process of the universe long before we even knew what control was, and how wonderful it was to be two, three, years old just living for the moment, not trying to control anything.
Today, I set out to always do the next right thing, are my motives correct. What I mean is, are my motives self-serving, selfish desires. Another form of me believing i’m in control, or are they for the betterment of any situation. Am I being of service? Gods will, not mine, trusting and surrendering that it will work out exactly the way its suppose to. Am I thanking god when I get what I want and also thanking him when I don’t? Letting go of control that I want what I want, and trusting that God knows what’s best for me and will give me something ten times better then what I originally was seeking in the first place. Letting go of control, the ego, I can rejoice in the bliss of life, living in the present moment in peace, serenity, understanding, and acceptance. These are just some of the gifts of letting go and trusting God.